K.N.’s Neighborhood

I want to sleep but I can't.
I just cry into my pillow.
Why, I don't know.
There's no to hear,
No one to comfort,
No one to hold.
I stare at my phone
just wanting to call.
But it's late here,
even later there.
So, I lay my head down
cry a little more.
It's been a long year without you.
I want to let go
and I have.
Every now and then
I'm reminded.
By the man on the bus
whose hands are like yours,
who wears the same shoes,
has a similar bag.
His hair is long
and dark like you.
We never talk.
He writes.
I read.
Both of us looking out
opposite windows
stealing glances
now and then.
It's been a long year without you.
Last Winter I laughed
at an inch of snow
not caring to remember
that message you wrote.
"I <3 U" in the street below.
Spring was beautiful,
Though the allergies sucked.
Summer was pleasant,
not sticky or hot.
Freeway came home then,
late in May.
Summer's gone,
Autumn's here.
Leaves are already falling.
Your birthday passed
I didn't call.
I still can't remember
20th or 21st?
It would've been our third together.
It's been a long year without you.
I miss my friends,
the ones I could see
and touch
and hold.
I miss the company
even when it wasn't welcome.
I miss the sound of laughter
that isn't my own.
New friends have come
and old friends have gone.
Some are missed.
Some not at all.
I've been good
and I've been strong.
But recently I've spent
more nights up like this
with Freeway beside me
purring to soothe.
Sometimes I don't know
what I would do without her.
With other people I still feel alone.
I hardly go out,
I'd rather stay in.
It kind of scares me
to go out on my own.
It's been a long year without you.
Regret is such a useless thing
so is wishing to change the past.
I try not to do it
but every now and then
I just can't help myself.
Looking in the mirror
I hardly recognize myself.
My hair is long.
Red again.
I'm gaining some of the weight back that I lost.
It's too much.
I'm fat.
I should go to the gym.
I want to dance,
to go back to school,
to be vibrant again
and to not just pretend.
I hate the clothes I wear,
pastels aren't for me.
The make-up is tame.
It's not good to stand out here,
keep it low-key.
It's been a long year without you.
Recently I feel so lost
Autumn's always been bad for me.
I try, so hard, I really do
but I just can't seem to get over being alone.
I have the people I love,
and I lost them so much
But it's just not the same
when we're so far away
and there's no chance
or that desperately needed hug.
Sometimes I wonder
where I went wrong,
What I've done that was bad,
Why I can't feel I belong.
I never had that feeling
with you at my side.
No words can express the peace
just listening to you
breathe at night brought.
Even when we fought,
we were always okay
because we fought to make it right.
Where did we lose that will to fight?
It's been a long year without you.
I should be in bed,
asleep hours ago.
I want to be but I can't.
I just cry into my pillow.
And I write...
I type...
To get the poison from my head.
Maybe so I can rest.
I already know
it's going to be a long, hard Winter.
Good things come and good things go,
so too do the bad.
I'll just keep on going
Trying to find some new meaning
some new reason
some new glimmer of hope.
Not in someone else
just in myself.
And then I'll be fine without you.
Until then...
It's been a long year without you.

Hey, long time no see.

Black Holes and Revelations

Let's see what I've been up to. Well, currently I'm in a state of mild hysteria, as I have a million things I need to be doing, but I seem to be edging along slowly at each of them. On top of that, I'm sick. If I could relate my life to songs from any album right now, it'd be Muse's Black Holes and Revelations. I've loved the album since it came out the past July. I'm tired of swinging in between major stressed-panic, where my life feels like "Map of Problematique" and then in ten seconds revolving to feeling happy like in "Starlight."

I just want to feel comfortable and curl up and read a good book now. I'm ready for all of this to be over, because I already know where I want to go. I'm tired of going to a magical world, and all I want is to hold someone tight and make real memories that I can look back on twenty years from now and still laugh. I want sunshine and gentle rain.

Show us your desktop.
Submitted by Anthony.

the last remaining darkness

    
        
    

So everyone's taken this quiz already, but I thought I'd finally give it a go. For some little reasons, I don't like posting quizzes on my LJ, so here it goes. Well, I guess I'm cuddly? Hehe.

I do like the holidays and vacations because it's finally time for me to relax and spend time by myself doing things that i enjoy doing instead of all the work and studies I have to do every day. But...there's always still some things that I just can't stand about the holidays.

1) I absolutely hate it when people bother me with questions of, "Hey, what do you want for Xmas?" with happy grins on their faces. It's not like I think that presents or similar are all what it means for holidays. After all, what are you, five years old and wanting a new toy car or a pony? No, I'm not like that...I look to holiday time as spending more, much needed time with friends and family, not time being spent gathering presents and giving presents. Whenever I get them or give them, I always get a sense that people are giving back and forth the feeling of need of giving back a present or something, as if it's more of a present of "who-owes-who-whatever." Sure, presents are nice...but please. I'd like to hope that people aren't always so materialistic...and it makes me quite sad.

2) Holiday concerts...I'm a pianist, so I find these a bit of a pain, as fun as they can be. After practicing the same holiday piece over and over again, I grow tired of it...and it rather spoils the purpose and meaning of a festive piece of music. I don't know...I do like listening to other people play, however, and I love caroling even if nobody can really sing. It's the amusement that counts, but when the song grows stale after 70+ hours of practicing, it can be disappointing, too.

Hmm...I do like holidays, though. It just seems that this post makes me out to be a scrooge. Haha...

If you're reincarnated, what do you think you'll come back as?
Submitted by Diana.

I'd probably be reincarnated as a bat because in real life, I am pretty much legally blind. Even so, my senses of smell and hearing are a lot keener, and I've always wondered if it's because I play piano or if it's because they're making up for my poor eyesight. Nevertheless, I really think I'd be a bat if anything because of my blindness and also the fact that I used to suffer from severe insomnia. (Not so much lately, thankfully...)

Even so, if I could actually pick something to be reincarnated as, I'd definitely want to be a cat. Even though I'd always loved cats since I was a little girl, I never had the joy of owning one because both I and my youngers sister were allergic. (Well, I've grown out of my allergies, but my sister hasn't.) It would be a very fun and relaxing lifestyle as a cat. I probably wouldn't want to be one of those lazy ones who enjoy sleeping all the time, but instead I'd be an exploring cat that wanders around all the time. Hehe...

I'm woefully behind in NaNo and didn't meet the goal I set for myself yesterday.  I need to be less distracted by the sister and her man-thing watching tele and roleplay.  I must buckle down beginning tonight!  There isn't much time left.  v.v 

How do you eat your pizza:  folded, flat or with a fork and knife?
Submitted by danimass.

Sadly enough, I don't really like most "American" food, but I suppose pizza isn't really American?

Despite this, some of my closer friends may know that I have a severe weakness for pizza...it's a little amusing. My favorite is spinach with mushrooms and garlic. Sounds weird, maybe, but it is so yummy and it's vegetarian-friendly! Anyway, to answer the question...usually I'll just eat it normally, but I tend to eat the crust first, even if it's not filled with cheese or something. If the slice is too big or too hot, though, I do eat it with a knife and fork. (Or...if it's strangely shaped...)

Augh..hungry...

So apparently LJ is not working at all today? Woe. But see, I remembered about the V-O-X, VOX account~ Ah well. It's better to update somewhere than to update nowhere at all. At least I think so. Still, it needs to get fixed ASAP, cause I haven't checked any of my friend's lists today.

Mm... today, today. Nothing much today, though I reallyreallyREALLY need to keep working on my NaNo before I fall behind. I'll probably go shower, get some hot chocolate, and writewritewrite until people get online~ ♥

I was productive today,  as I mentioned I was going to be. I helped cook some lasagna, helped unpack, played video games (Super Smash Brothers Melee FTW) with Andrew, and overall had a great time. I'll have to make a mental note to do that more often.

Ahaha, I think I came across about fifty posts here on Vox about how LJ is down. I was up doing things around 6 this morning and saw that it was down, and it is now 2:30 and it is still down. Kind of sad, but I suppose it is a good thing so I can concentrate and get some things done!

At any rate, I haven't started writing for Nanowrimo yet. I feel very guilty, but as I completely missed all of my classes yesterday, I'm even more behind with coursework as well. Meh. I hope those of you who are signed up for Nano are doing well on your stories! I want to start mine sometime soon...before the month is over, haha.